Goodbye '08

The year has been more confusing to me than any other in my life. I believe many of my posts attest to that. I’m not where I thought I would be, but I’m not sure where I was even thinking I would conclude this year. I had hoped to finally be in a larger city, preferably New York or Philly. I went outside the box by putting my notice in at a steady job before I had another lined up. Not practical, not me, but a step of faith that I felt God’s leading in. It was a step I had to take to release my hands from control and to walk by faith. It was hard for me to understand why God did not reveal my next door when I had no doubt of His lead in stepping out.

My cousin invited me to live with his family for the summer while I sought God’s will. Indiana was not a place I would have ever pictured myself, despite the family ties I have there; but I packed up my car and headed north excited about the opportunities that would come. It wasn’t long before the summer ended. I had no more leads than when it had begun. I found myself heading back to Florida with my packed car and my discouraged heart. My head was so empty and my stare was blank as my car carried me along the necessary roads.

Shortly after my return the call came about my grandma. Despite the lack of direction in my life, I knew I was in Florida for a reason during that time. I needed to be with her and my mom as she was dying. Of course, her passing led to another round road trip to Indiana.

I had made up my mind earlier in the year to reestablish the Christmas season within my heart. I needed an escape from the traditional. I was determined to make it a realization, even if I was back in my hometown. I’m glad I held to this desire that God had laid on my heart, because it was a blessing.

I conclude this year with no more direction than I began it with, but an undying faith that God is faithful and true. I was listening to Matt Redman’s “You Never Let Go” earlier. It brings my weary heart hope. I wanted to share his words below.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

My 2008 is now history. I would relate it to Jacob’s wrestling experience in the wilderness (see Genesis 32:22-32). It has been a restless time. My 2009 is in God’s hands. I’m not sure what they hold for me, but I know each day calls for me to seize the potential God has filled it with. My only known plan as I enter 2009 is to pick up my Master’s program again. I have already started studying and I am finding inspiration as I begin this pursuit. I will continue the next door for me, but it is most important for me live in His will for today.

Hope

As Christians, what is it that we have for the world? Hope. Hope for the future. Hope for healing. Hope for lives. One statement made by Chris Collinsworth last night after all the Olympic Games and ceremonies had concluded immediately brought my thoughts back to the thoughts I had after the opening ceremony. “If there’s one word that comes out of the Olympics for me it’s hope. I mean, for two weeks people from all over the world gather and they get along in a way that is just chilling almost in many ways, and you say if it could happen for two weeks, why not three, why not a month, why not longer…”

Our individual healing begins when we make a personal decision for Christ and we are unified in our relationship with Him. As our relationship strengthens our reflection is of the hope we have found. When individual Christians live lives founded on the message, the Body of Christ reflects unity in a grander way. Unity can only happen through relationship. Relationships require an interest in the other person and a putting aside of personal agenda. Hope is evident in unity. Chris noted the hope of something greater than personal agendas of individuals and nations. The taste of it left a yearning for more.

When will we realize we know the author of that hope? Our eyes are so occupied with personal agenda we have difficulty in maintaining our personal relationship with Christ. Saturday afternoon’s broadcasting took a moment to spotlight Eric Liddell’s story. I love his testimony. He understood that his gift of running was from God. He glorified God through it, but He held his relationship with God closer. His testimony of this was seen as he upheld the Sabbath. He would not run on Sunday, despite being a favorite to win it. (There’s always debate about whether Saturday or Sunday is the actual Sabbath, but the technicality of the issue is not what is important.) As a Christian I realize that the greatness of His story is not that he held something more important than his running, but that because of His relationship with God he respected the source of his gift more than the gift. He realized the greater hope and lived for it.

Life's Crossroads

Here I am, new place and new start, it is a great opportunity to serve at a ministry this summer and scope out plans for the future. I am grateful and from a human perspective it is a logical step. It’s just for summer, but my heart pulls evermore to take me from the comfortable suburbs. All I know is I long more than ever to be inner-city now.

My prayer is for my next step. All I ask is that the Lord gives me initiative to step out the moment He reveals it. I’m not asking for a full-blown roadmap, but just enough light for me to know where to set my foot. If it is for me to be here for the next couple months I ask for peace, but my honest heart is seeking new direction today.

I know my passions don’t always scream practical. I know they are real though and they are impossible to deny. As these thoughts remain unsettled in my mind I have continued to spend quiet time reading God’s word and books full of wisdom. I have had peace from the start that God won’t direct me where He won’t provide my needs.

My Bible reading yesterday reminded me, “You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the Lord your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed.” (Joshua 23:14b, NIV) One may overlook the connection, but a few months ago as I trying to make ends of my longings I couldn’t help to think of Abraham. At that point I began reading His story again. God didn’t reveal His plan He just called Abraham to leave. I knew I needed to lay down my current responsibilities so I could move forward. I knew God was in a worship time I attended when that point of Abraham’s life was highlighted. I could continue through the Bible story through the end of Joshua’s life that I just finished reading to parallel my current path.

My other reading has been David Jeremiah’s book, Life Wide Open. Exactly, what I need to be reading right now. It’s all about passionate living. He printed a quote from Enrique Camarena that matches me heart, “I can’t not do this. I’m only one person, but I want to make a difference.”

Maybe God’s will is for me to stay here throughout the summer before He opens doors for me or maybe the step that got me here was just a necessary part of letting go and grasping motivation to take a bigger step. Right now my hope is tied to the second.

I analyze everything. It’s what I do. I could argue perspectives from either side of the coin within my head until I go crazy. If there is one thing I’ve been coming to the realization of it is that I don’t always need to understand my circumstances. I just need to have faith to continue following the path. I must say, as a human, it’s so hard.

The Horizon

Many times we allow hopes, desires and expectations to crowd our lives and heavy our hearts and minds with worry. These things are meant to inspire us not burden us. If we let go, we release ourselves from the burdens of tomorrow that we are not meant to carry. It is not about giving up on our dreams, but about freeing ourselves from unrealistic and premature longings. Hopes and desires that pour from our relationship with God actually fuel our small steps that carry us through the bigger picture. The future may not be what we expect, but He promises those who love and seek Him the desires of their heart. He is faithful even though we often stumble. Our peace is not found in what we know, but Who we know. He is the hope that provides us the ability to persist through an uncertain world. He is The Answer to all that is. We are equipped with all we need to fulfill the opportunities that lie in this moment.

"Peace be still and know that I am God."

"I don't know what the future holds or what lies beyond my horizon. The years ahead are just out of sight. Well, I think sometimes that you hide them so that I'll walk by faith not sight. So, I'll take your hand, holding tight." -Vicky Beeching

"Seizing divine moments is not simply about opportunity; at the core it is about essence. It's about the kind of life you live as a result of the person you are becoming...the moment you're in right now waits to be seized." -Erwin Raphael McManus