Goodbye '08

The year has been more confusing to me than any other in my life. I believe many of my posts attest to that. I’m not where I thought I would be, but I’m not sure where I was even thinking I would conclude this year. I had hoped to finally be in a larger city, preferably New York or Philly. I went outside the box by putting my notice in at a steady job before I had another lined up. Not practical, not me, but a step of faith that I felt God’s leading in. It was a step I had to take to release my hands from control and to walk by faith. It was hard for me to understand why God did not reveal my next door when I had no doubt of His lead in stepping out.

My cousin invited me to live with his family for the summer while I sought God’s will. Indiana was not a place I would have ever pictured myself, despite the family ties I have there; but I packed up my car and headed north excited about the opportunities that would come. It wasn’t long before the summer ended. I had no more leads than when it had begun. I found myself heading back to Florida with my packed car and my discouraged heart. My head was so empty and my stare was blank as my car carried me along the necessary roads.

Shortly after my return the call came about my grandma. Despite the lack of direction in my life, I knew I was in Florida for a reason during that time. I needed to be with her and my mom as she was dying. Of course, her passing led to another round road trip to Indiana.

I had made up my mind earlier in the year to reestablish the Christmas season within my heart. I needed an escape from the traditional. I was determined to make it a realization, even if I was back in my hometown. I’m glad I held to this desire that God had laid on my heart, because it was a blessing.

I conclude this year with no more direction than I began it with, but an undying faith that God is faithful and true. I was listening to Matt Redman’s “You Never Let Go” earlier. It brings my weary heart hope. I wanted to share his words below.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

My 2008 is now history. I would relate it to Jacob’s wrestling experience in the wilderness (see Genesis 32:22-32). It has been a restless time. My 2009 is in God’s hands. I’m not sure what they hold for me, but I know each day calls for me to seize the potential God has filled it with. My only known plan as I enter 2009 is to pick up my Master’s program again. I have already started studying and I am finding inspiration as I begin this pursuit. I will continue the next door for me, but it is most important for me live in His will for today.