Goodbye '08

The year has been more confusing to me than any other in my life. I believe many of my posts attest to that. I’m not where I thought I would be, but I’m not sure where I was even thinking I would conclude this year. I had hoped to finally be in a larger city, preferably New York or Philly. I went outside the box by putting my notice in at a steady job before I had another lined up. Not practical, not me, but a step of faith that I felt God’s leading in. It was a step I had to take to release my hands from control and to walk by faith. It was hard for me to understand why God did not reveal my next door when I had no doubt of His lead in stepping out.

My cousin invited me to live with his family for the summer while I sought God’s will. Indiana was not a place I would have ever pictured myself, despite the family ties I have there; but I packed up my car and headed north excited about the opportunities that would come. It wasn’t long before the summer ended. I had no more leads than when it had begun. I found myself heading back to Florida with my packed car and my discouraged heart. My head was so empty and my stare was blank as my car carried me along the necessary roads.

Shortly after my return the call came about my grandma. Despite the lack of direction in my life, I knew I was in Florida for a reason during that time. I needed to be with her and my mom as she was dying. Of course, her passing led to another round road trip to Indiana.

I had made up my mind earlier in the year to reestablish the Christmas season within my heart. I needed an escape from the traditional. I was determined to make it a realization, even if I was back in my hometown. I’m glad I held to this desire that God had laid on my heart, because it was a blessing.

I conclude this year with no more direction than I began it with, but an undying faith that God is faithful and true. I was listening to Matt Redman’s “You Never Let Go” earlier. It brings my weary heart hope. I wanted to share his words below.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

My 2008 is now history. I would relate it to Jacob’s wrestling experience in the wilderness (see Genesis 32:22-32). It has been a restless time. My 2009 is in God’s hands. I’m not sure what they hold for me, but I know each day calls for me to seize the potential God has filled it with. My only known plan as I enter 2009 is to pick up my Master’s program again. I have already started studying and I am finding inspiration as I begin this pursuit. I will continue the next door for me, but it is most important for me live in His will for today.

Christmas (Part 2)

Coats have been delivered to The Daily Bread, our local food kitchen. It was more beneficial to place them in their care then to pass them out today. The weather is supposed to be a little cooler next week and to leave them there allows them to be distributed as needed. I was also able to find out they still have a need for people to serve at the kitchen January 1 and 2. The owner informed me those are a couple of their slower days with volunteers. I was able to be scheduled and I look forward to finding a few others that may be able to help as well. Overall, it was a good Christmas.

About 1/2 the coats as we were sorting the sizes

(thanks to our church for the generous donations)

We also received a few other clothing donations

(Rach and I tested their capabilities)

All the donations made the cut

(I love how my headband is riding up on my hair in this pic)

Christmas (Part 1)

I am excited about Christmas this year. I haven’t been able to say that for a while. My desire for something different began a few years ago. I have felt something has been lost each year. They weren’t bad and the time with family and friends was always fun. I didn’t enjoy going through Christmas with Christ a part of my thoughts, I knew I needed to have Him as the center of all Christmas.

There was a moment this last summer that I officially decided to make a drastic change in my Christmas celebration for this year and from now on. I shared my thoughts in my Christmas in July post. The only thing I wasn’t too comfortable doing was breaking to my mom I didn’t want part the traditional stuff; because I knew it was important family time to her.

When I finally came to tell her she said she wanted to talk to the rest of the family because she was over the way we had been spending Christmas as well. Then she asked me what my thoughts were of helping others this Christmas. She wanted the rest of them to help too.

Well, this year we are doing Coats for Christmas. We are collecting from a few local churches and will distribute them at the local food kitchen here. I’m excited about the opportunity.

It all comes down to this. Christmas is meant to be a celebration of Christ’s birth. When I think of how we often celebrate birthdays I consider how we often bring a gift and spend time together. How do I bring a gift to Christ? I found my answer in Scripture.

“Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’”

(Matthew 25:37-40)

For those who are local to me and want to donate hoodies, sweatshirts, coats, sweaters, etc., please leave me a note here or send me a message on facebook. Thanks and Merry Christmas!

Answer

One thing I’ve learned in uncertainty is that nothing is really uncertain. I may be surrounded with questions and confused by life, but there is reason. What’s more is that there is beauty in mystery. My favorite movies are not those that predictably lead to happily ever after, but those that hit your mind at the end with the puzzle piece that changes the whole perspective of what just happened; the kind that if you watched again with that new perspective would bring many ‘ahha’ moments. I like that life is often like that. God has a certain path He’s journeying us through. It’s hard and when we focus on the questions it can become dark at times, but if we keep trusting and keep walking our puzzle will be pieced together. I believe the secret is to realize He is our Answer. He sometimes reveals answers to the questions on our mind. Sometimes He gives ‘ahha’ moments to us in hindsight, but have faith in the moments that don’t seem to have meaning.

Walk by faith, not by sight. We hear it, read it and say it; but it remains one of our greatest roadblocks. There is purpose and it will be revealed one day. Yes, we stumble and fall over and over, but He will always pick us up and lead us through the dark nights.

How beautiful will it be when the restoration of our relationship with Him is complete and we stand before all His glory? How beautiful will it be when all the questions and confusion fall away in the greatest ‘AHHA” moment we will ever experience?