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Living with Purpose

2010-02-15T23:44:00.004-05:00

"Did you do every single thing you could today to make sure that you did your best?" -Apolo Ohno

This question struck me when, during a highlight on his life on Saturday, Apolo introduced the challenge to ask yourself this question at the end of every day. As he stated, it is very difficult to be able answer with a yes every day. Certainly we are not all striving for Olympic medals, but we all have a purpose to be living for. As a Christian the core to this is a higher purpose. God does not expect us to not fail and fall down, but He desires and calls us to devote ourselves wholeheartedly pursue Him and the opportunities He fills each day with.

Where to Begin?

2010-02-03T02:34:00.002-05:00

So many thoughts in my head and decisions to begin making in the upcoming weeks. Practicum and internship decisions. Finalizing education decisions. Moving plans. Basically a lot of unscrambling and coming together of plans, and plans yet to be, is what will be on my plate. It’s easy for me to become overwhelmed with it all and question where my true desires lie as I sort through each step, but I remain excited about where this year will lead despite its mystery. We will see!

Return to Writing

2010-01-14T15:11:00.001-05:00

Over the past year my love for writing has deteriorated and I hate that. During the lull between my classes these last few weeks I have come to realize how much I miss it and need it. Without it I feel that my thoughts have become a fog, yet my reading, writing, and research for classes have been a hindrance in allotting time for personal writing. I feel as if I have been writing and reading nonstop on account of obligation, rather than enjoyment. It is especially evident because the mass of daily activities have pulled me from social interaction as well. With the majority of my friends on the opposite side of the state and in Pennsylvania, my world has slowly closed in on me during this past year. My classes and work are online. I am determined as I embark on my final stretch of classes to prioritize some time for an outlet for my personal wellbeing. Twenty ten is a year I look forward to and many things are scheduled to occur that will be major and exciting changes for me. I will return to writing for it is something I cherish as a way to sort through my head’s countless thoughts and to simply socialize more. I know I will continue to be busy with the particular classes that I am beginning, but by prioritizing I know I can enhance my time management.

San Diego Gardens

2009-08-05T20:44:00.002-04:00

Just a Thought

2009-04-02T23:57:00.005-04:00

“The best way to show that a stick is crooked is not to argue about it or spend time denouncing it, but to lay a straight stick alongside it.” –D. L. Moody

When we consider our actions and heart, do we justify our standing in comparison with others or as a result of circumstances? …Or, do we view our life in light of Scripture?

Ordinary Day?

2009-01-18T15:32:00.009-05:00

Intrinsic beauty exists in all facets of God’s work. Just as I need to remember not to overlook the beauty He has surrounded me with; I should not overlook the opportunities of every moment. God has never overlooked the details of my life, not as my Creator, nor as my Savior. The smallest elements of creation are not void of beauty. It’s so easy to dream big and focus on those dreams, but results don’t come without embracing what has been entrusted to me today. It’s important to understand the importance of being faithful with little. (Matthew 25:14-30; Luke 19:11-27).

Personal Reminders:
Refresh your perspective.

See the work of God's hands all around.

See the opportunities that await and surround you.

See God work through you by embracing each moment.

God has never overlooked the details of my life, not as my Creator and not as my Savior. I It is not for me to neglect today's moments either.

Geese in the Sky

2009-01-15T20:40:00.013-05:00

I'm sure everyone has seen the events of today with the flight that went down in the Hudson River. One of my favorite shots is of all the passengers spread across the wings in the water. You really can't see the wings, so it looks like they all are standing in the middle of the water. The pilot did an amazing job bringing the plane down safely and the attendants handled their responsibilities exceptionally as they helped passengers to safety. All involved in the rescue efforts did remarkable work. It's good to hear that other than a few smaller injuries all who were onboard left the incident safe.

Meeting Baby Jason

2009-01-12T21:29:00.008-05:00

I had the opportunity to meet little Jason this weekend. He’s absolutely adorable and he has the cutest little smile. It’s crazy how fast time has gone by. It doesn’t seem like long ago that I was meeting my roomie, Laura, my freshman year, but the time has been filled with many memories. Life has brought so much since then and I’m glad we’ve been able to experience so much of it together. I love both her and Dan. I am so happy for them.

Congrats to you both! Jason’s a little cutie and a blessing! Thanks for being such great friends! You are going to be great parents.

Goodbye '08

2008-12-31T21:45:00.013-05:00

The year has been more confusing to me than any other in my life. I believe many of my posts attest to that. I’m not where I thought I would be, but I’m not sure where I was even thinking I would conclude this year. I had hoped to finally be in a larger city, preferably New York or Philly. I went outside the box by putting my notice in at a steady job before I had another lined up. Not practical, not me, but a step of faith that I felt God’s leading in. It was a step I had to take to release my hands from control and to walk by faith. It was hard for me to understand why God did not reveal my next door when I had no doubt of His lead in stepping out.

My cousin invited me to live with his family for the summer while I sought God’s will. Indiana was not a place I would have ever pictured myself, despite the family ties I have there; but I packed up my car and headed north excited about the opportunities that would come. It wasn’t long before the summer ended. I had no more leads than when it had begun. I found myself heading back to Florida with my packed car and my discouraged heart. My head was so empty and my stare was blank as my car carried me along the necessary roads.

Shortly after my return the call came about my grandma. Despite the lack of direction in my life, I knew I was in Florida for a reason during that time. I needed to be with her and my mom as she was dying. Of course, her passing led to another round road trip to Indiana.

I had made up my mind earlier in the year to reestablish the Christmas season within my heart. I needed an escape from the traditional. I was determined to make it a realization, even if I was back in my hometown. I’m glad I held to this desire that God had laid on my heart, because it was a blessing.

I conclude this year with no more direction than I began it with, but an undying faith that God is faithful and true. I was listening to Matt Redman’s “You Never Let Go” earlier. It brings my weary heart hope. I wanted to share his words below.

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I’m caught in the middle of the storms of this life
I won’t turn back
I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Chorus:
Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We’ll live to know You here on the earth

Chorus:
Yes, I can see a light that is coming for the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
Still I will praise You, still I will praise You

My 2008 is now history. I would relate it to Jacob’s wrestling experience in the wilderness (see Genesis 32:22-32). It has been a restless time. My 2009 is in God’s hands. I’m not sure what they hold for me, but I know each day calls for me to seize the potential God has filled it with. My only known plan as I enter 2009 is to pick up my Master’s program again. I have already started studying and I am finding inspiration as I begin this pursuit. I will continue the next door for me, but it is most important for me live in His will for today.

Christmas (Part 2)

2008-12-25T18:31:00.008-05:00

Coats have been delivered to The Daily Bread, our local food kitchen. It was more beneficial to place them in their care then to pass them out today. The weather is supposed to be a little cooler next week and to leave them there allows them to be distributed as needed. I was also able to find out they still have a need for people to serve at the kitchen January 1 and 2. The owner informed me those are a couple of their slower days with volunteers. I was able to be scheduled and I look forward to finding a few others that may be able to help as well. Overall, it was a good Christmas.

About 1/2 the coats as we were sorting the sizes

(thanks to our church for the generous donations)

We also received a few other clothing donations

(Rach and I tested their capabilities)

All the donations made the cut

(I love how my headband is riding up on my hair in this pic)

Christmas (Part 1)

2008-12-16T11:50:00.011-05:00

I am excited about Christmas this year. I haven’t been able to say that for a while. My desire for something different began a few years ago. I have felt something has been lost each year. They weren’t bad and the time with family and friends was always fun. I didn’t enjoy going through Christmas with Christ a part of my thoughts, I knew I needed to have Him as the center of all Christmas.

There was a moment this last summer that I officially decided to make a drastic change in my Christmas celebration for this year and from now on. I shared my thoughts in my Christmas in July post. The only thing I wasn’t too comfortable doing was breaking to my mom I didn’t want part the traditional stuff; because I knew it was important family time to her.

When I finally came to tell her she said she wanted to talk to the rest of the family because she was over the way we had been spending Christmas as well. Then she asked me what my thoughts were of helping others this Christmas. She wanted the rest of them to help too.

Well, this year we are doing Coats for Christmas. We are collecting from a few local churches and will distribute them at the local food kitchen here. I’m excited about the opportunity.

It all comes down to this. Christmas is meant to be a celebration of Christ’s birth. When I think of how we often celebrate birthdays I consider how we often bring a gift and spend time together. How do I bring a gift to Christ? I found my answer in Scripture.

“Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’”

(Matthew 25:37-40)

For those who are local to me and want to donate hoodies, sweatshirts, coats, sweaters, etc., please leave me a note here or send me a message on facebook. Thanks and Merry Christmas!

Answer

2008-12-12T22:12:00.005-05:00

One thing I’ve learned in uncertainty is that nothing is really uncertain. I may be surrounded with questions and confused by life, but there is reason. What’s more is that there is beauty in mystery. My favorite movies are not those that predictably lead to happily ever after, but those that hit your mind at the end with the puzzle piece that changes the whole perspective of what just happened; the kind that if you watched again with that new perspective would bring many ‘ahha’ moments. I like that life is often like that. God has a certain path He’s journeying us through. It’s hard and when we focus on the questions it can become dark at times, but if we keep trusting and keep walking our puzzle will be pieced together. I believe the secret is to realize He is our Answer. He sometimes reveals answers to the questions on our mind. Sometimes He gives ‘ahha’ moments to us in hindsight, but have faith in the moments that don’t seem to have meaning.

Walk by faith, not by sight. We hear it, read it and say it; but it remains one of our greatest roadblocks. There is purpose and it will be revealed one day. Yes, we stumble and fall over and over, but He will always pick us up and lead us through the dark nights.

How beautiful will it be when the restoration of our relationship with Him is complete and we stand before all His glory? How beautiful will it be when all the questions and confusion fall away in the greatest ‘AHHA” moment we will ever experience?

Black Friday

2008-11-28T23:50:00.006-05:00

Ok, so I’ve never been into the whole Black Friday thing, partly, because I don’t enjoy shopping in general. I am all about great deals, but I firmly believe it does not require me to be involved in such a ridiculous practice. I have no problem with crowds, I love NYC. I do have issues with determined shopping crowds though. I know my view is not the American norm, thus the existence of Black Friday. However, my view is strengthened when I see the news at the end of Black Friday each year. I understand anything of large scale carries some incidents. I guess in perspective the incidents are a low percentage, but what discount is worth a person being trampled to death in Wal-Mart? What bargain brings value to two dying in a shooting? Both incidents were reported in today’s news. So, I say to the tradition of Black Friday, “No thanks.”

Worship

2008-11-20T23:47:00.002-05:00

"Then the temple of the Lord was filled with a cloud, and the priests could not perform their service because of the cloud, for the glory of the Lord filled the temple of God. (II Chronicles 5:13b-14)"

No service, but I’m sure worship was not lost. We express worship in many ways, but this verse had me wondering when I last was brought to stillness from the overwhelming awe of Who God is. Consider: a loved one delivering a eulogy often pauses to hold back tears or a parent unable to express the grandness of their love for the sleeping newborn they rock. The moments are so real to the heart that a form of expression becomes impossible to find and so we pause. The last moment I recall not being able to find an expression other than my quiet and amazed heart for God was a few months ago when I was sitting on a dock surrounded by the night. Overwhelmed, I sat in silence and just recognized. I knew in my heart it was an amazing moment of worship and words would only cheapen my heart’s cry.

What moment has ceased your outward expression? I would love to hear the testimonies of others’ awe.

Campaign Trail (Part 2)

2008-11-08T19:03:00.008-05:00

Campaigning is over and I’m glad. Election Day began with waking up at 5 AM and standing until the polls closed at a voting location. The locations became packed out well before voting opened. I was drained by the end of it. I had spent the previous days finishing door to door promotions and I now know this city better than ever before. We also had to relocate the majority of the promotional signs to the precincts the night before. My legs didn’t want to allow me to stand anymore by the close of Tuesday.

I did enjoy meeting other candidates of other positions and talking with people I had voted for. It’s encouraging to really enjoy the company of the people you vote for and it’s great to connect on a more personable level with those that you share values and issues with.

The funniest vote he got was from a woman that walked out and pointed to the sign my dad was holding and said she voted for her. My dad informed her he was Pat and the woman said, “What?! I was only voting for women!”

The results (3 positions to fill):
Pat Bentley…26.15% (4089 votes)
Stephany Eley…24.57 % (3842)
Bill Mettrick…26.44% (4134)
Damian Wilson…22.84% (3571)

Verse for Thought

2008-11-01T23:18:00.003-04:00

"Splendor and majesty are before him; strength and joy in his dwelling place. (I Chronicles 16:27)"

Is my walk with God leaving me in awe of His splendor and majesty? I believe it’s easy to become casual in the walk and drift to numbness toward these attributes. Is my walk with God filling me with the strength and joy that are found in His presence? Unfortunately, I often create my own barriers to experiencing the fullness of these gifts. It can be a frustrating thing because I want to rest in who He is, and the only thing between them is me. It comes down to releasing my own guard and staying open and true in my walk with God. Why do we drift from the One that is essential to completing who we are? This verse simply expresses traits of God but it challenged me and I hope it challenges others.

Campaign Trail (Part 1)

2008-10-31T23:52:00.003-04:00

Today was spent campaigning at an early voting spot. Tomorrow’s agenda looks the same and of course Tuesday will be a long day. I’m well aware of the record number of people voting this year, but today I observed American citizens pouring in to cast their votes. I vote absentee for every election so I don’t have to wait in the lines and I’ve never been so glad until today. I would place the average wait time just over three hours for those coming to the polls early. One voter informed us he had waited in line for four hours. Reminder, early voting has been open for a few days now and these are work days. I’m not sure what to expect tomorrow and Tuesday.

For those who don’t know my dad is running for city council, so I have been campaigning for a while. I’ve worked in previous years for campaign stuff as well. I hope my dad is happy that he at least got one of his children interested in political things like he is. Anyway, when you do these things you can expect to have people honk and cheer for your candidate and sometimes receive fingers and booing. City council is a smaller scale but people wave a lot for my dad’s signs because of the rep our council has on the news here and the desire to have someone new. It’s cool when people tell you they’ve studied up on him and he has their vote. I thought it was funny to get the thumbs down for the first time today from a driver. I don’t take things personally, but it was it dawned on me it was not just an issue or candidate that I was for…it was my dad. He has a hater! haha

You meet others out campaigning for different things and it can be fun even when you know the signs contradict. One lady today from a neighboring city apologized she was not able to vote for my dad since he was not running in her city. Within my mind I informed it was okay because I did not vote for the candidate she was promoting either, even though I did have the option as he was running for a higher position that includes my district.

Awkward moment of the day: I was stared down by some dude as he rode by in the back of a cop car. It was caged in but the window was open. He was actually leaning forward in the seat with his face against the caging as he slowly rode by me.

A Joyous Journey

2008-10-24T01:07:00.020-04:00

The following is a poem my cousin wrote for our grandma and read at her funeral. The words are so very fitting for Grandma.

A Joyous Journey
Kerri Bree, October 18, 2008

In honor of Ruth DeHaven

A woman of true virtue

is who I remember you to be…

Faithful and sincere

with a great love for the Lord,

Devoted to your husband

for nearly fifty years.

A loving and caring mother,

all six I know would say,

A bounty of both grandchildren and

great-grandchildren, with a glorious legacy.

Kingdom-minded

I know you were indeed,

Thank you for caring

about where I’d spend eternity.

Singing and praises

constantly on your lips,

Thanksgiving and joy

overflowing from your heart.

A joyous journey

truly your life has been,

To know the love of Christ

and be satisfied in Him.

The Lord has now called you home,

forever with Him to be.

I count it joy and not loss,

for I know this is not the last of you I’ll see.

A Letter to Grandma

2008-10-18T23:34:00.008-04:00

Dear Grandma,

We celebrated your life today. The funeral home was packed with people who love you. The services were beautiful and only admiration was spoken of the life you lived here. After seventeen years we laid your body in the earth beside Grandpa’s. It was beautiful out. The sun was warm and the air was cool. Colorful leaves are beginning to blanket the grass. It was the perfect time of year for you.

Thank you for all that you have been. Thank you for putting God first in all you did. Our lives are a product of yours. There was never a day in my life that I doubted your walk with God. I didn’t know until today that you had had a heart for underprivileged young girls and had spent a portion of your young ministry working with them. It’s a passion I share. I want to invest my life in underprivileged urban youth. I will.

We will miss you and will long to be with you again, but we are glad these last years have closed for you. We know they were with reason, but they were long and it was hard to see you fade from us over the time. We are happy you are with Jesus and Grandpa now. See you soon.

Love,
Rebekah (Becky)

Here's to Hindsight

2008-10-12T18:47:00.003-04:00

I just finished reading this book and enjoyed it. I found it very relatable in many ways as Tara shared her life’s journey thus far. I liked the raw stories of everyday struggles and how similar her over-analytical thoughts are to my own. With her love of New York her words were like finding my own thoughts written on pages.

In the close of the book she writes a letter to her former self. There’s a challenge in it that she would charge herself with if she could have only seen how the pieces would fall together, and the challenge is just as important to the current and future self. “Learn to enjoy changing and being corrected, because those are good things, and they will serve to shape you into the person you are going to be for the rest of your life…be careful of your actions today, because they are slowly writing the story of your tomorrows.”

I was also inspired by her lyrics,
And all today’s uncertainties, and all of my impatience
Will just be flecks of color
In the picture that He’s painting

Life's Worth

2008-10-07T01:16:00.002-04:00

It’s been a long journey with my grandma's Alzheimer’s. I remember picking her up for church back in high school when we were becoming concerned for her and didn’t feel comfortable with her driving. I remember flying up north with her for a cousin’s wedding. Her memory was already failing her in so many obvious and sad ways that were only heightened as she was removed from her daily environment, but sitting a seat behind her on the flight I listened to her proudly talk to another passenger about us family and the wedding she was headed to. I remember my mom and her siblings talking about the need of putting her in an assisted living facility and it wasn’t going to work out for her to stay in Melbourne, and being relieved that she was actually going to one in Clearwater shortly before I would be starting college in that area. Eight years have passed since that move and they have been filled hard to comprehend moments as her mind has distanced her from us. The biggest question of course has been, “Why God?” Some patients go quicker than others, but it’s hard to understand the reasoning in someone living so long after the mind appears so useless. I would visit and just hope she somehow knew I was there, but while I looked at her physical face she seemed so absent. These last years, I couldn’t help but pray after every visit, “God, please take her home.” It’s different than an individual suffering from other diseases. I don’t believe the pain of other situations is easier, but I can understand purposes that can still be fulfilled on this earth. I’ve always believed attitude is everything and it can be a strong testimony to others as one endures suffering. It’s hard to understand how their testimony can live through them when they can’t communicate it any longer. It’s hard to walk in and watch my grandma fidget in an agitated manner without being able to fill my own head with possible “wills of God” for her state. It hit me after my last visit. I was headed up to Indiana for this summer and with the uncertainty of plans for after that point I didn’t know if I’d be back down to see her again. I finally realized I don’t have to know the answer because I know there IS an answer. I know Who holds it and I know only One needs to hold it. Maybe the answer is simply in the rest of us being able to live out that understanding-God is my answer. The answer may be in the family’s testimony or may be any other number of things, but what I no longer think knowing the answer is important in my life. What is important is being able to lean on my faith that nothing is without purpose. God does not waste lives or portions of lives. All is worth while.

I left Clearwater Saturday; her vitals remain stable although more than a week has passed since she had any nourishment. Hospice tells us each patient is different; it all depends on her heart. My mind was with her Sunday while I sang at church.

There is none like You
No one else can touch my heart like You do
I could search for all eternity long and find
There is none like You

I understand this song describes how nothing else can compare to God in our lives, but truth of that found a new meaning in my state of mind. “No one else can touch my heart like You do.” The remaining hours of my grandma’s life ride on the strength of her heart. Nothing can touch her heart like the Source of life. “I could search for all eternity long and find there is none like You.” She has God within her, however poor her quality of life has been (by our human minds’ standards) these past years, there is nothing more in this world that can give her life greater meaning. Put aside all the questioning, her life in this moment holds just as much value in Him as my own. Because of God’s sovereignty I can trust that fact.

Grandma's Last Days

2008-09-30T23:30:00.003-04:00

The call came this past Saturday evening. Shortly after, my mom could barely relay the message to me that my grandma was in her last days. She had quit eating and was now nonresponsive. It’s been a slow decline over several years and the call was simply a matter of time, but it was still hard watching my mom handle the initial rush of emotion that was only to be expected in this next step. I have never been an emotional person, so I always just try my best to be a supportive person.

I did have a short moment of emotion. My breakdown happened at two in the morning and kind of surprised me as I laid in bed thinking about my grandma and memories. It’s so dumb, but it hit me that I was about to be the only redhead left in the family. How embarrassing to even post this. I think it was just something to do with the fact that it one thing I have from her that nobody else in this large family does. My breakdown lasted all of an approximate thirty seconds before I realized how ridiculous I was alone in my dark room at such a crazy hour. The best and most standout memory of my grandma, that I only can strive to make part of my own character, has been her overall closeness to God. When I think of her I picture her going throughout her daily happenings and humming different hymns that she cherished. It was something as natural to her as breathing.

The day after the call I made the trip with my mom across Florida and by Sunday afternoon we were at my grandma’s bedside at the assisted living facility in Clearwater. These last few days have been filled with obligations of preparatory work and with time in my grandma’s room. Not too many changes yet, just small evidences of decline. The hospice care just continues to remind us it can continue slowly or turn downward at any moment. Every person is different.

My mom has seemed okay for the most part. It’s good there are things to take care of. We were cleaning her things from her room yesterday with my cousin and so much of it was covered with dust. Out of nowhere the one sudden movement from my grandma was a loud sneeze. It made us laugh.

Today the worker from hospice told me the picture of my grandpa as a young soldier immediately made her think of me, because she noted where I had gotten my big brown eyes from. It meant so much because I was grandpa’s girl until the day he died years ago. I admire him so much and nobody has really told me that before. There have been times I’ve wished my eyes weren’t so big, but never again!

My mom and I decided we needed to put some music on for her today since hospice tells us she can still hear. Of course her choice would be hymns, but as I searched on her old radio I told her she was going have to settle with contemporary Christian. Shortly after my mom came back in Mercy Me’s “I Can Only Imagine” came on. (I believe it’s a great song, but the overplaying of it and its overkill in churches annoys me.) However, suddenly as the hospice worker excused herself and my mom found her place at her mom’s side the song became ours in that moment. I glanced out that window and saw cars pass by as everyone went about their lives as we all do. My eyes moved back to our quiet room. Her hours are dwindling in this world, but I am excited that what our earthly minds can only imagine she is about to realize.

My sister made it in tonight after her determined drive from Virginia. Everyone that is going to try to see her one last time has been here. We now wait for God’s time.

She’s my last grandparent and I grew up with her always being nearby, but I’m ready for God to have her with Him now.

The Politic Game

2008-09-10T22:24:00.005-04:00

I have to say I’m getting sick of the political popularity game. Focus on cheap shots to undermine characters is not what interests me. An important election is ahead and a lot of issues are on the table, but media time and stories are wasted on misinterpreted comments (stupid or not) and popularity ratings. I know the current standing statistics of the candidates have a place in news, but I believe the issues themselves deserve greater reporting time. I’m not voting for homecoming king/queen; I’m voting for a new U.S. President! This is about America’s future, and speaking of America’s future, what example do these campaign tactics illustrate to young people that make up America’s future? Is this what we want portrayed by leadership?

Character is a central element, and in this large of a setting all details are important as we face November’s decision. However, a person’s character does not become greater by bringing discredit to another’s. It is strengthened by respectable talk, stance, and action. I am ashamed to have to say that my respect for much involved in all aspects of this race is not high.

This is not an attack on any party or reporter, but rather a thought about the whole state of this race.

Back in FL

2008-09-02T00:45:00.005-04:00

Football season has begun. I was on the road Friday and Saturday and was stuck listening to the Gator game on the radio rather than watching it on TV. I was actually driving back down to Florida. I don’t think I have seen a Florida license plate since I left here in June. It may sound like a dumb, obvious observation since I was up north, but with Florida being such a tourist spot there are constantly drivers from all over the place here. Anyway, it was good to see other Florida plates again, and other Gator fans. I knew when I left my hotel Saturday morning I was rolling dice on hitting football traffic. Of course, the smart thing would have been to leave earlier, but I opted to sleep in a little. As I listened to the game on the radio I kept calculating the approximate time left and the miles I had to go. I knew I was in trouble when I saw the sign for 20 miles to Gainesville and the clock was winding down. I was fortunate as I passed through; the fans were just beginning to pour out on the roads. I wasn’t slowed down, but I was surrounded in a swamp of Gator fans. Never mind the Florida plates I had not seen all summer, I was now surrounded by FL Gator plates, flags and other car gear. Of course, my little car fit in with its blue paint and Gator plate frame.

So, now I am back in Florida, still praying something will work out soon. It’ll all happen as it is supposed to. It’s not easy to trust that, but one has to through faith.

I got to go to Merritt Island yesterday to watch my second cousin’s baseball game. His younger brother, Jonathan is even more of a baseball enthusiast. His mom was telling me that every Ray’s game that is on he is stationed with his glove in front of the TV to run the plays. Their dad is the Chaplain for the Devil Rays, and baseball was always his sport as he grew up in Miami. After the game the team was having a meeting in the outfield. Meanwhile, Jonathan was playing a full-blown imaginary game on the field. He would race to first. He was so accurate I was sucked into watching as if it were for real. Under the park lights his eyes shifted back and forth between the pitcher and batter as he played with the idea of stealing second. After another hit he began rounding the bases and watched his invisible ball being played in the outfield so he would know exactly how far to run. My favorite was his homerun hit. His mouth dropped in excitement and he trotted around the bases. I love watching kids when their imaginations are activated. It was especially crazy to me as I watched him and I could remember holding him as a newborn at my high school graduation. Seven years later there we were on that baseball field under bright lights and the warm Florida night.

Hope

2008-08-25T11:23:00.005-04:00

As Christians, what is it that we have for the world? Hope. Hope for the future. Hope for healing. Hope for lives. One statement made by Chris Collinsworth last night after all the Olympic Games and ceremonies had concluded immediately brought my thoughts back to the thoughts I had after the opening ceremony. “If there’s one word that comes out of the Olympics for me it’s hope. I mean, for two weeks people from all over the world gather and they get along in a way that is just chilling almost in many ways, and you say if it could happen for two weeks, why not three, why not a month, why not longer…”

Our individual healing begins when we make a personal decision for Christ and we are unified in our relationship with Him. As our relationship strengthens our reflection is of the hope we have found. When individual Christians live lives founded on the message, the Body of Christ reflects unity in a grander way. Unity can only happen through relationship. Relationships require an interest in the other person and a putting aside of personal agenda. Hope is evident in unity. Chris noted the hope of something greater than personal agendas of individuals and nations. The taste of it left a yearning for more.

When will we realize we know the author of that hope? Our eyes are so occupied with personal agenda we have difficulty in maintaining our personal relationship with Christ. Saturday afternoon’s broadcasting took a moment to spotlight Eric Liddell’s story. I love his testimony. He understood that his gift of running was from God. He glorified God through it, but He held his relationship with God closer. His testimony of this was seen as he upheld the Sabbath. He would not run on Sunday, despite being a favorite to win it. (There’s always debate about whether Saturday or Sunday is the actual Sabbath, but the technicality of the issue is not what is important.) As a Christian I realize that the greatness of His story is not that he held something more important than his running, but that because of His relationship with God he respected the source of his gift more than the gift. He realized the greater hope and lived for it.

Diving for Bronze

2008-08-22T00:23:00.012-04:00

Best finish of this year’s Olympic Games?

Am I referring to one of the relays in the pool or the fingertip win by Phelps? The action would have made more sense in water. It wasn’t even for gold. It was to grab the bronze. Of course, I am talking about the amazing dive David Neville took across the finish line in the men’s 400-meter final. My cousin and I could not stop laughing. When the commentators mentioned he was hurt we were laughing all the harder, not because he was hurt (what kind of sick person do you think I am?). It just seemed like an obvious factor when a full speed Olympic runner dives into a track. I have been in pain after making a trained dive into a softball base, I can’t imagine considering a forward facing dive into a running track. I was wondering if this was something that he had foreseen as a consideration or if the idea just hit him in the moment. I found out after the race that he has actually done it once before in a race last year to secure a silver for USA. After the race he said, "Sometimes we have to sacrifice our body and our mind and our spirit for what we really want." All I know is he wanted that bronze and he did not leave without it. His action also completed a sweep by USA in the race's medals.

...with several amazing finishes in this year's games this one may not top, but it was definitely exciting to see.

Congratulations Michael Phelps

2008-08-17T00:09:00.006-04:00

Relief…the outcome of no more what if scenarios. The chase for eight is complete. This year’s events all began on 08.08.08 and now Michael Phelps is eight for eight. It was a remarkable race by Aaron Peirsol, Brendan Hansen, Michael Phelps, and Jason Lezak. China’s Water Cube didn’t have an empty seat. You know something special is happening when Kobe and LeBron are among the spectators. It’s more than national pride or interest in a particular sport. It’s a moment shared by human spectators of all backgrounds around the world; a moment to pause and cheer for a fellow human being as greatness is realized in capturing a life’s dream through dedication. What a journey! And, just because I have been posting the medal status throughout my postings I conclude by saying, “Zero to go!”

Too Close

2008-08-15T23:05:00.007-04:00

A win by 1/100 of a second! I thought it was over and I think it's completely unexplainable how he got his hand up there first. I have to admit I completely wrote it all off in that last stroke. As the clips play over in slow motion and from different views I can't believe it. How? How? How? Thank God for the touchpad that reads the time of touch and proves his victory because the visual shot still leaves my mind's eye with doubts. Even with the technolgy I was nervous as a protest of the win surfaced. I'm glad the protest verdict was finalized quickly and in favor of the original claim to victory. The close win seized by Lezak earlier this week was exciting; this close call was stomach turning.

Michael Phelps has officially tied Mark Spitz in earning seven gold medals in a single Olympic season. Yesterday he received his sixth and after this race he has one more to go to hold more gold than any other in a season. I have believed fromed the beginning he had the capability to reach his goal, but I have never written off the competition. Anything can happen in a moment. Any upset is possible. Just one to go! How unreal!

How amazing was Dara Torres and her sportsmanship to put aside her focus to ask officials to hold the race for her competitor during some swimsuit trouble. I love her drive but more than that I love her spirit. She is an inspiration. Even after the distraction she was able to pull off an incredible win.

Four and...FIVE

2008-08-12T23:31:00.022-04:00

What a day for Michael Phelps! It is official; Michael has more gold medals than any other! Ten would have done it, but he now holds eleven. After his accomplishment he led another relay giving an untouchable lead to the U.S. team. His chase in reaching eight gold medals this year is now within grasp. Just three to go! It’s amazing to watch history being written. If you aren’t watching you are missing an incredible thing.

The only frustration of the day was his goggles filling with water in the 200m butterfly making the finish closer than he would have liked and the time a little longer than hoped for. But, the 4x200m freestyle relay was completed under 7 minutes at 6:58.56. And so, the frustrating moment was paled in retrospect. The day’s events came and went in true Phelps’ fashion: record breaking, a new record in medals and two more time records turned in.

“The people who came before us and competed in the Olympic Games are some of the greatest athletes who ever lived, and to be or to win the most gold medals is unbelievable.” -Michael Phelps

Gold Again for Phelps

2008-08-11T22:23:00.007-04:00

At the risk of repeating myself, another gold and another world record seized. He swam the 200m freestyle in just 1:42.96. This gold brings Phelps' Olympic career total to 9! He has matched the holders of the most Olympic gold medals. Of course, the challenge remains to surpass these holders and also take home 8 in this year's Olympic events. Five more to gain! The Americans definitely owned the pool tonight!

Absolutely Astonished

2008-08-10T23:38:00.009-04:00

"Smash the Americans?" So, the US was not the favorite to win tonight and the French dared to bring trash talk. The talk was nothing more than a push of inspiration for the US team. The Olympics aren't about talk they are about action and the US team brought it. The previous world record was absolutely demolished! It may have very well been the best relay in Olympic history. So excited right now! Gold #2 for Michael Phelps! Six more to go BABY! Thank you Jason Lezak for bringing the fastest final sprint ever to pull it off (46 flat) and congratulations to you! It was beautiful!

Athlete to Watch

2008-08-09T23:58:00.001-04:00

Today pretty much revolved around the Olympics for my cousins and me. I am glad that the time of most of the swimming events places them prime time here. I was so excited to see Michael Phelps attain gold already. Seven more to go! Even better was the fact that he crushed another world record in attaining it! It's just too bad the country that put on such a spectacular presentation for the world yesterday happened to have a technical glitch in the middle of our national anthem. It would have been nice to hear the whole song. Anyway, I'm eager to see how the rest of Phelps' events unfold!

Dara Torres also had a great swim and is deserving of props although the USA team did not pull a win in that race. To be in the Olympics at age 41 and still prove to be one of the strongest competitors in the race is amazing.

One

2008-08-09T14:36:00.010-04:00

If you didn’t see last night’s opening ceremony to the Olympics you really missed a well orchestrated phenomenon. All controversies of this year’s events aside, it was a stunning vision from start to finish. Everything was executed with great precision and attention to detail. The most inspiring part was the unified imagery produced by more than 15,000 synchronized individuals. Several times the words of the commentators were brought back to the producer who envisioned this masterpiece and the awe of how it was being manifested in that moment.

The message China is bringing to this year’s games,
One world. One goal.

As a Christian my mind was carried to God’s plan for the body of Christ,
One body. One message.

I have actually been thinking about the importance of God’s beautiful concept of one body for awhile now. Various readings and experiences have provoked my thinking. In a way greater than how last night’s performance captured the attention of people all over this world, a unified body of Christ would captivate our dying world. No individual in last night’s performance was repeated. A few had roles that brought more personal attention than others, but each role was significant to the full picture. It was a reminder to me of the Christian’s responsibility to live out their role, the will of God for their life. It’s not about a jealous spirit of those who appear to be more visible than us. There is a purpose to our life and the picture is so much greater than any one of us. Just as last night’s performers only had a single moment before the audience of the world, we have only one life. It is brief and it’s our one chance to live it for God. When our focus turns away from self glorification to the greater message our lives take on a meaning so much larger than our human perspectives can comprehend. We will see the picture one day in its full glory. For now we need to follow our Producer, our Creator in portraying the vision He has for mankind. It’s bigger than us, but there is a role for us.

You can easily enough see how this kind of thing works by looking no further than your own body. Your body has many parts—limbs, organs, cells—but no matter how many parts you can name, you're still one body. It's exactly the same with Christ. By means of his one Spirit, we all said good-bye to our partial and piecemeal lives. We each used to independently call our own shots, but then we entered into a large and integrated life in which he has the final say in everything. (This is what we proclaimed in word and action when we were baptized.) Each of us is now a part of his resurrection body, refreshed and sustained at one fountain—his Spirit—where we all come to drink. The old labels we once used to identify ourselves—labels like Jew or Greek, slave or free—are no longer useful. We need something larger, more comprehensive.

I want you to think about how all this makes you more significant, not less. A body isn't just a single part blown up into something huge. It's all the different-but-similar parts arranged and functioning together. If Foot said, "I'm not elegant like Hand, embellished with rings; I guess I don't belong to this body," would that make it so? If Ear said, "I'm not beautiful like Eye, limpid and expressive; I don't deserve a place on the head," would you want to remove it from the body? If the body was all eye, how could it hear? If all ear, how could it smell? As it is, we see that God has carefully placed each part of the body right where he wanted it.

But I also want you to think about how this keeps your significance from getting blown up into self-importance. For no matter how significant you are, it is only because of what you are a part of. An enormous eye or a gigantic hand wouldn't be a body, but a monster. What we have is one body with many parts, each its proper size and in its proper place. No part is important on its own. Can you imagine Eye telling Hand, "Get lost; I don't need you"? Or, Head telling Foot, "You're fired; your job has been phased out"? As a matter of fact, in practice it works the other way—the "lower" the part, the more basic, and therefore necessary. You can live without an eye, for instance, but not without a stomach. When it's a part of your own body you are concerned with, it makes no difference whether the part is visible or clothed, higher or lower. You give it dignity and honor just as it is, without comparisons. If anything, you have more concern for the lower parts than the higher. If you had to choose, wouldn't you prefer good digestion to full-bodied hair?

The way God designed our bodies is a model for understanding our lives together as a church: every part dependent on every other part, the parts we mention and the parts we don't, the parts we see and the parts we don't. If one part hurts, every other part is involved in the hurt, and in the healing. If one part flourishes, every other part enters into the exuberance.

You are Christ's body—that's who you are! You must never forget this. Only as you accept your part of that body does your "part" mean anything. You're familiar with some of the parts that God has formed in his church, which is his "body":

I Corinthians 12:12-27 (The Message)

Thought

2008-08-05T10:05:00.001-04:00

Just a thought from a greatly researched book:

“We must stop presenting ourselves as the message and begin presenting Jesus as the message.” –David Kinnaman

Hard At Work

2008-08-01T13:26:00.001-04:00

My cousin and his entire church staff have gone out of town for a conference, so today I have undertaken the colossal responsibility of assuming the role of an entire church staff in one. A role that only my three years of church/school staff experience could qualify me for. Ok, so maybe I’m sitting here doing absolutely nothing and have nothing more to occupy my time than write a new post. A post that I’m sure will be so stimulating that it will be read by countless numbers across the world. I completed my responsibilities, aka: busy work, at approximately 11:00 am.

My core task today was to fold the bulletins. They have a machine to do the actual folding. All I was required to do was feed the machine, manually of course and in numbers of less than 15 so not to jam it. I believe the contraption was built shortly after God created the earth. I was impressed that I had only one bulletin casualty through my efforts.

Small offices always have devices that entertain me. These devices would never be found in modern fast-paced offices, but just as God uses the least of mankind to do His work, the least of technology finds life and purpose in small church offices and non-profit organizations. I actually think I find these things more intriguing than the latest hi-tech inventions that I use everyday. So to all of you working in fast-paced offices with your fancy gadgets, be jealous. Be very jealous.

The Cross of Christ

2008-07-26T21:27:00.010-04:00

I just started reading a new book and have already been challenged by the first chapter. I am trying to expand my reading library to include a wider range of authors and eras. Limiting resources only shelters our point of view and hinders thinking for ourselves. I don’t want to become comfortable and mindless in my reading. I want and need to be continuously growing, all the while holding on to the absolute timeless truth of God. In this effort my new venture is a book by Charles R. Swindoll, Strengthening Your Grip. I came across a poem that I wanted to share:

I simply argue that the cross he raised again
at the center of the market place
as well as on the steeple of the church,

I am recovering the claim that
Jesus was not crucified in a cathedral
between two candles:

But on a cross between two thieves;
on a town garbage heap;
At a crossroad of politics so cosmopolitan
that they had to write His title
in Hebrew and in Latin and in Greek…

And at the kind of place where cynics talk smut,
and thieves curse and soldiers gamble.

Because that is where he died,
and that is what he died about.
and that is where Christ’s men ought to be,
and what church people ought to be about.

-George MacLeod

The Lake House

2008-07-23T11:54:00.002-04:00

This past weekend my aunt and uncle came in town. I hadn’t seen them since they moved from Clearwater shortly after my college graduation, so I was glad to see them. Sunday I left with them and my cousins to go up to a lake house. We spent the next few days just having fun in the sun. We had boats, tubes, jet skis and schedule free days. We enjoyed grilled out meals out on one of the decks. Hawaiian sausage, barbeque chicken, corn on the cob, fruit with cream cheese dip, pasta salad and so much more filled us up each day. The girls watched a movie each evening while the guys were out fishing. At night after everyone was asleep in the house I liked to go outside and just sit on the steps leading to the dock surrounded by the quite night sky and still waters. The moon was not quite full but it was beautiful. The top deck of the house was like being in a tree house engulfed in the branches and leaves. It was a good time and a great opportunity to just relax and play. My only regret was that I forgot to take my camera so I am left with no pictures.

I Corinthians 15

2008-07-18T12:14:00.007-04:00

I was just reflecting on my favorite verse. It’s a verse of motivation, challenge and promise. I rarely use KJV anymore, but I love this particular translation of the verse. “Therefore, my beloved brethren, be ye stedfast, unmoveable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, forasmuch as ye know that your labour is not in vain in the Lord (I Corinthians 15:58).” This life is short and the work of our lives should boil down to this passage. I love to return to this portion of Paul’s letters from time to time. The whole chapter recounts the cornerstone of our existence in Christ, which is so much bigger than this life. The focus and glory found in Paul’s writing provides us believers with hope, but it also presents an undeniable command upon our lives. We need Him to be the center of our quickly fading lives and it’s an individual’s decision to make Him that.

Beautiful Release

2008-07-16T12:47:00.003-04:00

The concept really makes sense. It’s not easy, but it makes sense. My personal struggle of letting go is evident in the majority of my posts as I battle with the concept. A couple days ago the realization began to free my overbearing analytical thoughts. How do we expect to hold His full power when our hands are so full with our own securities? We grasp so tightly while we call to God for His hand. We stumble like a child refusing to release a single treasured toy to take our Father’s outstretched hand. God reiterated this lesson to me this last week. I’ve been reading through I Samuel and as I read through the story of David and Goliath again I made special note of David turning down Saul’s battle gear. Great equipment, but it would have only weighed him down. What “security” is weighing us down? I read about the incident again in a book I just completed. So here I am with the lessons God is presenting me and realizing that the beauty of the moment can only be fully captured in if I pry my fingers from my own securities. We can only experience the day as God made it when we lay down everything we are carrying. This is the moment I’m given and it won’t return.

Just a few other challenging thoughts I crossed in my last reading (Life Wide Open, by David Jeremiah):

“From God’s point of view, the greatest waste in life is the gap between what you are and what you could be.”

“God has given us two promises: His presence and His power.”

“God is pleased to work not through ability but through availability.”

“Failure is one of life’s greatest teachers – or it certainly can be if we choose to learn from it rather than let it crush us.”

“Perfection is the goal, but it’s not the journey.”

Crazy Tourist

2008-07-13T23:04:00.005-04:00

I’ve always avoided infamous tourist activities. Maybe it has something to do with growing up in one of the biggest tourists’ traps this world has. I also am not big on being an uncontrollable overzealous fan of famous people. So every now and them my path crosses with someone considered famous. I’m not the type to take advantage of the photo op or an autograph.

Well, I faltered today. I blame the billboard. I’ve had to pass it a few times recently since I’ve been in Indiana. There it was again today, exit 55. It really was just shameful. I could take it no more! I wanted to explore the roots of James Dean. He’s probably one of my favorite actors of all time.

I wasn’t sure what to expect in this small town adventure. I first met Lenny and his dog at The James Dean Gallery. Lenny was definitely the friendly type of person you’d expect to meet in this town. He was eager to have me explore his collectibles and thought it was just so cool for me to have the same birth date as James Dean. I bought my usual shot glass for my collection from him and he gave me a map of everywhere I needed to go next.

I went to the high school that young Jimmie attended. This was when I was caught being a tourist. A man mowing his lawn across the street stopped his mower to inform me that I could get in trouble for my illegal activity. He laughed and told me he was only kidding and just wanted to tell me more about the building. My second nice encounter said James Dean visitors were so obvious (officially slapping the tourist stamp on me). He pointed to the boarded windows of what had roomed the acting class.

Next it was time for the museum containing so much of James Dean’s life. His cousin, Marcus Jr. remains the owner. There sat James’ Bible with his name neatly printed on the cover along with his birth certificate and so much more. Sketches and sculptures he had crafted were on display. The one thing that caught my eye was a letter to Marcus Jr. He was in New York at the time and wrote about some of Marcus’ drawings. He encouraged young Marcus to not draw so much of manmade things. He told him to look around and draw things like the hills and people. He noted how Marcus was blessed by the Lord God to be amidst such surroundings. He wrote, “…they are harder to draw because they are harder to grow.” It made me smile to read in his words his appreciation for the things God creates in comparison to mans’ efforts. As a New York lover, I also smiled as I noticed in a letter to his pastor he wrote, “…it’s as fascinating as it’s big.” A few samples of his school work reminded me of my own. His reports contained lightly colored drawings behind the words. I always loved providing some type of illustration.

After leaving I drove by the home he grew up in. The farm is still functioning and all was neatly painted white. I drove passed his old church and then I did what I had to in order to complete my visit. Despite my major dislike of all graveyards, I went by his site. Eww! It was weird to think that years ago his 24 year old body was laid in there.

“Dream as if you will live forever. Live as if you will die today.”

–James Bryon Dean

Christmas in July

2008-07-11T21:49:00.006-04:00

So I have been thinking about this idea for a while and really think I want to commit myself to it this year. Please first note that I am not a Scrooge and I am not staking claim to be against all holiday traditions. I say holiday because I believe it fits most traditions better than a linkage to a true Christmas. What about them is centered on Christ? For some believers there may be a moment during the season that reflections of its origin takes place. Maybe it’s through a reading, a time of singing or a Christmas church program. But haven’t even these things been found tainted with selfishness? We want to sing our favorite song, not because of its message but because of its happy tune or because we like the way the different parts sound together. We leave a church program feeling in the “Christmas spirit” because of the warm and fuzzy storyline. One of the better intentions of holiday traditions has got to be the emphasis on family time. It’s a quality factor in our lives, but the presence of Jesus is still missing from the equation.

Of course, today’s reality of the whole season is spent restless with the strangers around us on the roads and stores. American marketers know it is the time to push consumers to spend well beyond there means. Gift giving can be more about meeting expectations than sharing a heart of love. Many people find themselves in the weeks prior Christmas day saying to themselves that it doesn’t feel like Christmas. I’ve said it. I’ve even felt that way in the midst of family at a dinner table on Christmas day. What does that mean? It doesn’t feel like Christmas? Does it mean all of our expectations of the holiday are not in place? Does it mean the fresh blanket of snow isn’t in its place (not for a FL girl)? Does it mean we weren’t able to find that perfect gift for someone we love?

Well, all of this is to say I am planning to commit this year to be free of all expectations and traditions. I want to go back to the core. I’ve heard others say and have said to myself before that I need to focus more on the meaning of the season. I want it to be more than a Bible study. I don’t want it to be about me at all. When I think of Christ’s entire existence on this earth I think of selflessness. I don’t want an empty Christmas, but I do want to discover a selfless one.

What is Christmas? It’s a celebration of Christ’s birth. Birthdays are meant to be about celebrating an individual’s life. Sure we celebrate Christmas, but who’s our celebration for? When we celebrate a person’s birthday, gifts and special time with that individual are commonplace. How can I give to my Savior? How can I spend time with Him? As I considered these questions my mind went directly to the Scripture I want to hold as inspiration for this coming season.

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom prepared for you from the creation of the world. For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’

“Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’

“And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’

“Then the King will turn to those on the left and say, ‘Away with you, you cursed ones, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his demons. For I was hungry, and you didn’t feed me. I was thirsty, and you didn’t give me a drink. I was a stranger, and you didn’t invite me into your home. I was naked, and you didn’t give me clothing. I was sick and in prison, and you didn’t visit me.’

“Then they will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and not help you?’

“And he will answer, ‘I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.’

(Matthew 25:34-45, NLT)

Where can Jesus be found? In the least of these. That’s where I want to be. That’s where I need to be.

I want to spend this Christmas with those Christ would want to spend His birthday with. I plan to make it happen. It’s not going to be a matter of putting a portion of my time into this, but giving the whole season back to my Christ.

Many Christians have expressed outrage as the term holiday has become more prominent in attempt to be politically correct. But, has Christmas been missing from our season for much longer? I’m afraid that for many “righteous” followers it has.

Therapeutic Writing

2008-07-07T00:43:00.005-04:00

This is my middle of the night blog that just had to happen. Thoughts are in my head, yet it also feels so empty. I’m not sure what all of this leaves me to write about, but writing is the outlet I’m opting to at this hour. I guess basically my life is bringing me more questions than answers and it leaves me a little unsettled. I know without any doubt God has a plan and I’m trying to take one step at a time with Him. I feel like I have my foot lifted and I just don’t know where to place it. I think part of me expects the pieces of my puzzle to just merge together. I also know that revealed answers don’t require faith. Faith needs to be the center of who God is making me. I believe when we seek to become stronger in an area, God gives us opportunities to grow. I know my battle is that of control. So as hard as it is to muster the words, I say to God keep me in the dark if it’s where I need to be to walk beside you. But, help me to know your presence and to know when and where to put my foot down. I can’t help but think of the words Leeland sings,

Time keeps moving on
Through the sunshine and the storm
And my dreams are set in stone
And someday I’ll be who I want to be
For now I’ll wait
For the sun to shine again
And for now I’ll wait
For the rain to pass away

And I’m looking for the brighter days
When all my hurts seem to fade away
I’m looking for the brighter days to come my way

Faces come and faces go
But none seem to look my way
And walls have stood and walls have fallen
But my heart seems to wait
For now I’ll sit at the end of the road
And for now I’ll wait
At the end of the pathway

I’ll see the sun one day shine upon me
I’ll see the sun one day
And watch the nighttime turn to morning
But for now it all comes back around

This post may not make a whole lot of sense, but this one isn’t so much for the reader as it is for me, the writer. It’s almost hard for me to post, because it is so much easier for me to keep my image pulled together. I think it's necessary for me in helping me to let go. Maybe, that's what God is molding within my life. I've been working on letting go of control, but my strongest grip has got to be on my personal guard. Opening up to my struggles is beyond uncomfortable to me. I enjoy experiencing life with people, but it's always hard to let people get to close to me. I enjoy helping others, but I think it can often be a scapegoat to turn the focus away from myself. I know it prevents more meaningful relationships, but I continue to keep the wall up. This may be one of the hardest walls for me to conquer. It may very well be the essence of my control.

Kung Fu Wisdom

2008-06-24T23:51:00.002-04:00

I arrived in Indiana two weeks ago, today. I have been fortunate to meet several great people. Tonight a few of us went to see Kung Fu Panda. The theatre* was in a little downtown area. It had the classic bright white light bulbs (flashing of course) out front and surrounding a couple upcoming feature posters. It was so tiny that the concession line backed up the entrance. There can be only one feature film at a time due to just one theatre room. Better yet, Tuesday movies are a mere $3! More than a dollar less than a gallon of gas!

Anyway, it was a great movie. I don’t always like farfetched interpretations of quotes in movies when trying to make parallels with Biblical principles, but I believe all truth is God’s truth. Kung Fu Panda had a few quotes and scenes that carried valuable truth.

Ooguay: “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, but today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.”

Ooguay: ''The mark of a true hero is humility.''

There was also a scene between Ooguay and Shifu where the importance of letting go of control was discussed. How cool to hear lines like these and see other valuable lessons played in a lighthearted film.

I close this post with one of my favorite quotes from the movie. Nothing profound, but definitely noteworthy in my professional opinion:

Po: “There is no charge for awesomeness - or attractiveness.”

* I felt this facility was worthy of the classic British/English spelling of 'theatre' :)

Life's Crossroads

2008-06-14T13:05:00.003-04:00

Here I am, new place and new start, it is a great opportunity to serve at a ministry this summer and scope out plans for the future. I am grateful and from a human perspective it is a logical step. It’s just for summer, but my heart pulls evermore to take me from the comfortable suburbs. All I know is I long more than ever to be inner-city now.

My prayer is for my next step. All I ask is that the Lord gives me initiative to step out the moment He reveals it. I’m not asking for a full-blown roadmap, but just enough light for me to know where to set my foot. If it is for me to be here for the next couple months I ask for peace, but my honest heart is seeking new direction today.

I know my passions don’t always scream practical. I know they are real though and they are impossible to deny. As these thoughts remain unsettled in my mind I have continued to spend quiet time reading God’s word and books full of wisdom. I have had peace from the start that God won’t direct me where He won’t provide my needs.

My Bible reading yesterday reminded me, “You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the Lord your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed.” (Joshua 23:14b, NIV) One may overlook the connection, but a few months ago as I trying to make ends of my longings I couldn’t help to think of Abraham. At that point I began reading His story again. God didn’t reveal His plan He just called Abraham to leave. I knew I needed to lay down my current responsibilities so I could move forward. I knew God was in a worship time I attended when that point of Abraham’s life was highlighted. I could continue through the Bible story through the end of Joshua’s life that I just finished reading to parallel my current path.

My other reading has been David Jeremiah’s book, Life Wide Open. Exactly, what I need to be reading right now. It’s all about passionate living. He printed a quote from Enrique Camarena that matches me heart, “I can’t not do this. I’m only one person, but I want to make a difference.”

Maybe God’s will is for me to stay here throughout the summer before He opens doors for me or maybe the step that got me here was just a necessary part of letting go and grasping motivation to take a bigger step. Right now my hope is tied to the second.

I analyze everything. It’s what I do. I could argue perspectives from either side of the coin within my head until I go crazy. If there is one thing I’ve been coming to the realization of it is that I don’t always need to understand my circumstances. I just need to have faith to continue following the path. I must say, as a human, it’s so hard.

Indescribable

2008-06-11T02:44:00.001-04:00

Just after taking these shots I hit the road again for my last stretch of travel to Fort Wayne, Indiana. I was listening to Vicky Beeching's "Turn Your Eyes." I have always loved the original. As I drove the words struck a cord. Many times when I sing or hear the song I can picture all that's wrong with the world finally melting away. The thought is always an inspiration as I consider the negativity that is circulating every news worthy story today. The shape of our nation is haunting.

However, this moment was different. Taking these shots had carried my thoughts to the greatness of His creation. Hearing the words of the song as I continued driving by a grand cliff brought me to the realization that the even the beauty of this world will fade as we see His face. Nothing compares.

Beeching's version continues with lyrics that matched my already stirred thoughts:

Turn your eyes upon Jesus

Look full in His wonderful face

And the things of earth

Will grow strangely dim

In the light of His glory and grace

Isn’t He beautiful?

Outshining sun and stars

It’s indescribable

How breathtaking You are

So I turn my eyes upon You now

Look full in Your wonderful face

And the things of earth

They grow strangely dim

In the light of Your glory and grace

You are so beautiful

Outshining sun and stars

It’s indescribable

How breathtaking You are

Indescribale is so fitting because there are often times I could never put in words the glory of what I see in a sunset, the stars, or nature. And, these are things I've experienced and seen with my eyes. I can't imagine trying to put into words His glory when His is beyond all of this. This is only His creation.

Road Trip

2008-06-11T02:01:00.002-04:00

I must confess I have not done well lately keeping my blog updated. Life's been busy.

Well, I left Florida Sunday morning and began my trip to Indiana. It's not NYC, but we'll see what unfolds. God kept me safe on the roads. I hit almost no traffic and I could not have asked for better weather. I had decided to break up the trip a little more than I usually do since I hadn't traveled this way before. It was a good thing, because if I had attempted my normal pace I probably would have hit some storms and/or flooded roads in Indiana.

Ignorance is Bliss?

2008-05-26T04:53:00.002-04:00

Why the ignorance? Why the self absorption? We pray for opportunities to share God’s love, but from the moment we wake up our thoughts engulf our wants. Our want to sleep in, our want to have a new shirt to wear, our want to not have to work today…the wish list is endless. I know I’m so very guilty, aren’t we all? It is a daily battle. Opportunities from God surround us and we will see them if we just shift our focus.

One opportunity that I had last week along with a few friends from Immersed was a cookout with homeless in the community. It was so much fun. Of course, the best part was not the food but the fellowship we are called by Christ to have with the mission field surrounding us. There was a great turnout and it was awesome to see familiar faces from the last time I was out. It’s amazing how powerful community is and how much communication is a necessity to its quality. It’s easy to donate money or items to organizations, but there is no substitution for relationship. Honestly, how are they expected to see Jesus when we don’t seize opportunities to develop relationships? How are we to grasp the need if only try to help from afar?

The scary part is how many so called followers of Christ are missing it. Scripture tells us that our action toward the least is as to the Lord (Matthew 25:34-46).

As we left we drove passed a few people walking to wherever they would sleep for the night. Gary asked where we thought they may be headed? It made us think twice about what we headed for that night. Hot showers, dry beds and roofs over our heads…the things we don’t think twice about in the midst of our complaints. I want to challenge all who may read this, as well as myself, to not just endure life, live it.

"Don't be afraid to see what you see." -Ronald Reagan
I believe as a Christian I need to be more afraid to turn away.

I also want to say a special thank you to Ivy for making Immersed what it is, relationship not religion. Thank your for not being a Christian just by title, but in the way you live. Thanks for seeing the need in this community of believers and nonbelievers AND meeting it. As I move in the next few weeks know I will miss it, but will carry it with me in whatever the future holds.

The Horizon

2008-05-22T00:40:00.009-04:00

Many times we allow hopes, desires and expectations to crowd our lives and heavy our hearts and minds with worry. These things are meant to inspire us not burden us. If we let go, we release ourselves from the burdens of tomorrow that we are not meant to carry. It is not about giving up on our dreams, but about freeing ourselves from unrealistic and premature longings. Hopes and desires that pour from our relationship with God actually fuel our small steps that carry us through the bigger picture. The future may not be what we expect, but He promises those who love and seek Him the desires of their heart. He is faithful even though we often stumble. Our peace is not found in what we know, but Who we know. He is the hope that provides us the ability to persist through an uncertain world. He is The Answer to all that is. We are equipped with all we need to fulfill the opportunities that lie in this moment.

"Peace be still and know that I am God."

"I don't know what the future holds or what lies beyond my horizon. The years ahead are just out of sight. Well, I think sometimes that you hide them so that I'll walk by faith not sight. So, I'll take your hand, holding tight." -Vicky Beeching

"Seizing divine moments is not simply about opportunity; at the core it is about essence. It's about the kind of life you live as a result of the person you are becoming...the moment you're in right now waits to be seized." -Erwin Raphael McManus

A Purposeful Walk

2008-05-19T23:21:00.007-04:00

I was reading Matthew's account of Peter walking on water today. Often I consider this passage for strength through troubled times, but I'm coming to realize that life's greatest storm is life itself. Daily life is full of distracting winds. I've been sinking in them and my mindset is at the center of it all. Anything that takes my focus away from Christ is a wind. Whether it comes in the form of a light breeze or a mighty rush, when my eyes shift from His to distractions I feel my life taking on the waters of this world.

I want to and know that I need to make changes in my life. Although the big picture lies in His hand, I've seen glimpses of God's plan for my life. I am called to faithfully pursue the dreams He gives me. Yet, many days I find myself overwhelmed.

Each time I have the opportunity to step out of the daily routine and I have brief opportunities to serve in elements my passion lies my dreams are rekindled. As I return to my daily world resentment quickly takes root toward my current surroundings. I know God wants me to be passionate about my daily life and I can only be true to this if my focus is set on Him alone. Circumstances are not the source of joy and purpose, but if given room they are the distractions that break me down. I feel God is opening my eyes to this reality more each day. I pray Lord, hold my heart and keep it true.

I need to stop fighting the winds and circumstances through my own strength and look to God, knowing His promises are true. If I give room to the winds in my life my steps will drift from the mark set before me. He will always pull me up when I call out, but I long to keep my eyes locked on His so I am always ready for the blessings and plans found only in Him.

"Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" (Matthew 14:29-31)

Our lives have purpose. Are we living with purpose? God is calling to us each day to be the center of our pursuit.

Written: October 6, 2007

Stars in the Sky

2008-05-19T21:48:00.003-04:00

I love NYC, but when I am there I miss more than anything seeing clear night skies full of countless stars. I am amazed every time I look up at them and am reminded of God's greatness. I don't have words to explain how much these moments mean to me, how they impact me, or how they humble me. I'm not good at using words to capture the fullness of these stilled moments in time.

Obviously, the lights of the City create too much artificial light for the human eye to see much beyond. This simple concept is what sparked my thinking. The same is exactly true in regards to why God is someone who may be out there, but not real to so many. Even many Christians go through their lives in this manner. Things of this world become our world (our life), and the more "buildings" we build, the dimmer God becomes. Yes, He is still there, but we can't see Him. He hasn't moved from us. We are the ones that take the steps away, making Him seem non-existent. Even if we look up in desperation, we wonder where He is when we need Him. The lights of our "buildings" continue to blind and surround us.

Are we to run to the desert? Leave this world behind? We are not called to withdraw, but to go where the need is. We need to be amidst the "buildings". We just need to turn off the lights from these buildings (our buildings), one at a time. As we do, His reality is revealed to us and we see a world in need. When this world darkens we see beyond. We see God surrounds us. He holds us in His hand. We are small, but not alone.

These thoughts unite with the command to walk by faith and not by sight. No matter how great, sturdy or tall the things of this world appear; none of it will last. Nothing before our eyes is eternal. Even the sturdiest of what our sight holds will be destroyed one day. For New Yorkers and Americans everywhere, 9/11 opened eyes to this reality as two of the most solid structures in the city came crashing down. The truth is that the rest of what we see will one day follow and then we will be left with what is real. God.

Do we learn? We may pause and reflect. Many even seek and find God in the moment as this world stills, but then we build new buildings that we believe will be sturdier. Our eyes become clouded once more. It's a cycle that will not end until God reveals the truth to the distracted eyes and faith becomes sight, once and for all, for His children. Until that day I pray and cry to You Lord, "Cover my eyes now, so my heart may finally see (Barlow Girl)."

"Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal (II Corinthians 4:16-18, NIV)."

Look above and beyond this temporary world. God is with us and He made us for more than this. Whether we choose to walk by faith or not does not alter the reality of truth.

Written: October 3, 2005
Revised: March 15, 2007